Dewey Beach gets its share of bathroom-stall graffiti—-innuendo, phone numbers, cartoon dicks in various moods—-but there isn’t much real defacement to speak of. Certainly nothing so avant garde as “tagging,” where a lone artist leaves his signature as a sign of…many artistically ambitious, high-minded things. Dewey had none of this until Turdle, an enigma armed with a magnum-sized sharpie. Dewey Times sat down with Dewey Beach Crime Scene Investigation to decipher the clues left behind in Turdle’s, ahem, art.

Dewey Times: Detective, thank you for speaking with us. When did the Turdle tags first show up?

Dewey Beach Crime Scene Investigation*: My pleasure. We first spotted the tags about three weeks ago, after the skimboarding competition. There were seven or eight of them. On the walls of businesses, alley walls. One on an electrical box.

DT: They don’t seem very big.

Dewey CSI: No. This one here was on the side of Dewey Beach Grill. He would have been in full view of New Orleans Street, not to mention Route 1. No time to risk big, grandiose statements of criminal intent. Not like I’ve seen.

DT: Like you’ve seen? Where?

Dewey CSI: Rehoboth. The big leagues.

DT: Right. So what does Turdle’s brief message tell us?

Dewey CSI: In that it was brief, we can deduce a criminal interested in mobility, flexibility. The ability to strike anywhere at any time. Look at his tag. The arrow points to the right, as if he’s just ducking around the next corner. It teases. Mocks.

DT: You sound like you’re taking this personally, detective.

Dewey CSI: You know, I’ve collared my share of drunks scribbling on walls with magic markers—-talking dicks, double-D cans, you name it. Dealing with drunks, it’s like dealing with children. You anticipate that thought pattern, and punish bad behavior accordingly. With this…[pauses to light a cigarette]…you’re dealing with a sophisticated criminal consciousness.

DT: Isn’t it possible that Turdle is actually just some skimboarder breezing through the town for the competition?

Dewey CSI: Sure, it’s possible. But I don’t comfort myself with easy possibles. That’s why you’re on that side of the notebook, reporter, and I’m on this side.

DT: So have you spotted any fresh Turdle tags?

Dewey CSI: None.

DT: None since the skimboarding competition?

Dewey CSI: He vanished.

DT: Thanks for talking with us, detective.

Dewey CSI: Don’t worry. He’ll be back. They always come back.

* Parody, obviously.

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