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This week’s episode—a must-watch!—centers on the Examiner‘s super-late scoop on the whole “D.C. ranks number 1 in cocaine use” thing (hey, even we got there first!). Metro Weekly, meanwhile, gets dinged four times (count ’em!) for a.) an “ugly cover”; b.) a weak corrections policy; c.) an overly anonymous scene page; and d.) a shamefully male-centric masthead.

Inspirational quote of the week: “Get a woman on staff…women, women, women!”