Jared Bowers was arrested after hoisting himself on top of a van in front of the Starboard, dropping his pants and twirling his dick at a bustling Route 1. In the police report, one bystander described the maneuver as a “whirlybird.”

That was last year. In 2009, Bowers has managed three arrests, scoring a felony on the third. It’s the sixth time Dewey Beach Police have collared Bowers. They even banned him from the town. What makes Whirlybird Bowers come back for more?

Bowers’ 2009 arrest record commenced normally enough, one for underage drinking on May 20 and one for being in a package store around Memorial Day. Bowers stuck around after Memorial Day, crashing in the rental house he used as a base of operations. Eventually, the landlord had enough and evicted him.

That night, Bowers walked in the front door, grabbed a beer from the fridge and flipped on the TV. A resident leaseholder found Bowers on the couch, apparently unaware that he was ever evicted.

When he asked Bowers what he was doing, Bowers stood, announced, “I’m gonna fuck you up,” and duffed the leaseholder in the face. After a brief scuffle on the floor, Bowers fled out the door and into the night.

As of May 26, he was at large. When I asked seasonal officer Nate Hollis about Bowers, he rolled his eyes. “He just does not seem to have the capability to learn,” Hollis said dryly. Out of all the Dewey cops, Hollis has the most face time with Bowers. He said every time he processed Bowers, the youth would ask if he was charged with a felony. When Hollis invariably said no, Bowers would smile and laugh to himself.

“Burglary One,” said Hollis. “That’s a felony. He entered a house he was evicted from and drank a beer that wasn’t his.” He smiled with half his mouth. “I can’t wait to tell him, yes, this time it’s a felony.”

Bowers turned himself in the next morning, sober and polite, cooperative throughout the process of his incarceration. Sgt. Cliff Dempsey said if Bowers gives cops the slip, he almost always turns himself in.

Messages to Bowers were unreturned. I don’t want to ask him if a felony arrest has chastened his inner party-animal. Really, I want to know if his Starboard performance will see a reprise – and, if so, can I sell tickets?