Good morning, City Desk readers. Did you miss me? Dave didn’t—dude told me to “bring it hard” this week, and I will. I’ll start by saying all this love for Michael Jackson seems pretty fucking bizarre. Last time this guy was in the limelight, 2/3 of the country was outraged that he got away with child molestation. Now MJ kicks the bucket and all we can talk about is Off the Wall and Thriller? What about the wine? The touching? The kids-only ranch? It’s like making two of the greatest pop albums of all times sanitizes your legacy. I bet what’s left of Lewis Carroll’s husk is flopping around in his grave, wishing he’d played the electric lute or some shit instead of writing all those weird books about his neighbor’s daughter’s rabbit hole. And don’t get me started on all the sanctimonious freaks on Twitter who were all like, “Why’s everybody in a rush to call ‘first’ on MJ being dead?” BECAUSE: INTERNET.

On to the day’s business.