A report on Fox 5 news last night opened with footage of folks at an unnamed swimming pool, then a voice-over started cataloging all the dangers you risk by wading in the water, starting with bug bites and sunburn and total body paralysis, before getting to the really bad stuff.

“One out of 5 Americans admitted to peeing in the pool,” said the voice.

Wham!

Then somebody from Georgetown University in a doctor’s smock showed up on my screen to say, “Michael Phelps admitted peeing in the pool.”

Bam!

Et tu, Mikey? Or, I guess, Et unus?

I love myUpshur Pool, and jump in all the time, even though my brain tells me folks are peeing away like it’s the Preakness infield. That’s why I don’t think about it. Ignorance is piss, so to speak.

And even after the Fox report, I’ll keep jumping in. But from now on I’m steering clear of crowds of five people or more.

And if I see Michael Phelps in the deep end, well, might as well cue the Jaws theme. I’m outta there.