Michael Jackson’s memorial service monopolized every media outlet yesterday and seems to be the only national news event worth covering this morning.  It was poignant, it was tasteful, but what does it have to do with Washington?  Everything, according to Representative Sheila Jackson-Lee (D-TX), who spoke at the service yesterday and announced House Resolution 600. Oh yes, here comes the Michael Jackson tribute resolution, and it is lengthy.  They praise him for his humanitarian efforts and then proceed to list every kind thing he did.  For example, “in 1994, Michael donated $500,000 to Elizabeth Taylor’s AIDS Foundation.”  Good to know.

Apparently, watching the funeral online was an important part of yesterday’s Congressional schedule.  Politico posts this message from the head of the House’s tech operations.

“The Michael Jackson event is causing even more inbound Internet BW usage.
We are monitoring both Internet connections and they are maxed out at 155 Mbps inbound.”

More District news, plus Obamas in Russia after the jump.

• A Metro driver was suspended without pay for 5 days after a video of him texting someone surfaced on YouTube, according to WJLA.  Whatever the message was, it probably could not have waited for a minute until the train pulled into a station.  Metro officials want everyone to know that this video was taken 2 and a half weeks before the fatal crash at Fort Totten, so he obviously did not injure anyone by looking down when he was supposed to be, you know, DRIVING THE TRAIN.

• The City Council is discussing changes to the stalking laws that got Marion Barry into trouble this weekend.  Unfortunately for Barry, their plans will amend the current law to include cyber-stalking and other forms of Internet predation, so he’s not off the hook.  In other incriminating news, City Desk reported yesterday that Barry’s alleged stalking victim received $20,000 in city funds for “consulting services.”  What sort of consulting services was she providing?

• Although he was in Moscow meeting with Prime Minister Putin, President Obama spent most of yesterday explaining what his Vice President and Chief of Staff meant when they started babbling incessantly about the economy and health care.  After Joe Biden announced on Sunday that the administration had grossly misread the economy, Obama clarified the economic situation with NBC’s Chuck Todd.  Apparently, they did not “misread” the economy, they just had insufficient information.  The same went for Rahm Emanuel, who announced that the White House would be comfortable with a health care policy “triggered” by worsening economic developments, since the path to universal coverage is “negotiable.”  Obama vaguely reiterated the need for a “public option” in comments today.  Well, when the cat’s away, the mice will play.  Or just stop thinking about what they’re saying.