City Paper is not for tourists
Dan Snyder talked to the Associated Press about his 10 years as an NFL owner.
We’ve heard most of it before: Snyder was young when he got the team, which is the only reason he made mistakes (charging for training camp, hiring Steve Spurrier) that everybody else would have made, too. But he’s learned and now it’s all good.
But the blah-blah-blah ends when Snyder moans that all the good deeds he’s done as Skins owner have “been overlooked, absolutely.” And we’re told he’s really a great human being, the proof being that Snyder “received the Community MVP Award at the Washington Football Legends for Charity banquet.”
Hmmm. I’d never heard of that award or group before. But with a little surfing, it turns out “Washington Football Legends for Charity“does exist, and that the “Platinum Sponsor” of the organization, meaning a provider in the top tier of funding for the Football Legends’ one and only function, the very one where Snyder was confirmed as a local Gandhi, was the Washington Redskins Charitable Foundation.
Wait! I know THAT group! It’s headed by….Dan Snyder!
AFTER THE JUMP: Guaranteed Win Night II comes in? Will there be a Guaranteed Win Night III? Sure, Michael Vick’s rotten, but would he spit on his mom? Thom Loverro crowns the King? DC Armor is looking for a few good women?
Geezus Chrysler! Wonder how that MVP voting went down!
But, more power to Snyder. If I funded the Nobel committee, you better believe there wouldn’t be room on my mantel for ANOTHER peace prize.
Back to us: Guaranteed Win Night comes in again!
Had the Great Dan Steinberg the doofus who bet $20 on the Nats over the weekend simply waited until Tuesday’s Guaranteed Win Night I, then let it ride on Guaranteed Win Night II last night, he’d be sitting on 80 Large right now, instead of fondling a bum betting slip.
The Nats are suddenly a different club. Look at the proof: Last night, Ryan Zimmerman made a diving stab, got up, and DIDN’T THROW THE BALL TO A DUDE IN ROW Z! And then Josh Willingham was so concerned about getting a triple to complete his cycle that he ran up Nick Johnson’s patootie at third base, but HE DIDN’T GET THROWN OUT GOING BACK TO SECOND!
Face facts, friends: There’s something happening here, and what it is is exactly clear.
It’s the fight song!
What will someday be known as The Streak of ’09 got started, remember, when Cheap Seats Daily made Little Jimmy Riggleman’s Richard Montgomery High School cheer, Thunderation, the Official Cheer of the Washington Nationals. And, knowing that magic would ensue, we began sponsoring Guaranteed Win Nights.
The first two are in the books. Now things get tough. Here comes St. Louis. Hmmm…Rather than risk the mojo, should we put the Guaranteed Win Night gimmick on the shelf, til the Central Division leading Cards leave town?
Hell no! Instead, we sing again:
Thunder, Thunder, Thunderation We’re the Rockets Delegation When we fight with determination We create a soul sensation!
And we sponsor Guaranteed Win Night III tonight against St. Louis! So go bet the mortgage and then some* on Riggleman’s squad! If the Nats don’t win, the rest of the year is free!
Mike Wise has a radio show, a column and a dog. He says and writes that Michael Vick should get to play football now. I would bet almost all NFL owners would say the same thing if cornered.
But that doesn’t mean any of them will sign the guy.
If Wise’s story doesn’t put you in enough of a downer mood, then this one sentence, from a story about the recent arrest of Donnie Baseball‘s son, Taylor Mattingly, should do the trick: “Mattingly admitted he pushed his mother down and spit on her.”
The great Thom Loverro writes up an amazing appreciation of King Corcoran, a former University of Maryland quarterback/bon vivant and “a poor man’s Namath” who died in Takoma Park recently. I really wish I would have come across this guy.
Looks like the DC Armor, despite horrendous attendance and a lousy record in their first year indoors, will return in 2010. At least, the squad’s dance team, the Body Armor, has taken out a want ad on UltimateCheerleaders.com for a choreographer for next season. Interested parties should have a “hip hop/jazz” background, “at least five years of coaching experience,” and “open availability on the weekends.” Candidates with an unlimited tolerance for watching the home team just get whupped will be shown preference.
*Don’t really bet the mortgage and then some, dumbass…Unless you’ve got a big enough mattress to hide all your winnings under, that is!
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