We value your support now more than ever.

All year we’ve been covering the issues that matter most to you—the pandemic, the election, policing, housing, and more—and now our end of year membership campaign is here. Will you support our work to ensure we can bring you the same informative local reporting in 2021?

Michael Vick was “conditionally reinstated” by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell yesterday. So the Vick-to-Redskins barkers got louder.

I know from dumbass arguments, and here’s one of the dumbassiest on why Vick could fit in here as training camp opens this week:  Signing the free agent, says the Sporting News, “would give Vick an opportunity to play close to his home state of Virginia.” Good point! The Skins play closest to where Vick did his best animal slaughtering, too!

Dan Snyder wouldn’t. Would he?

I mean, sure, he tried hiring Pepper Rodgers, traded for Brandon Lloyd, and founded a chain of boutique kiddie barber shops for a theme park chain just before it went bankrupt.

But, he wouldn’t.

Would he?

Gosh, I hope so!

(After the Jump: Snyder makes a good deal? Billick makes case for not signing Vick without mentioning Vick? Nats have more grand slams than your local Denny’s? Divas finish on top after all? No Tasering for Scott Van Pelt giveaway?)

***

Speaking of bad bets: We now have perhaps the first proof that Snyder can drive a hard bargain. The Redskins agreement with Virginia lottery officials to sell those ridiculous $20 scratch tickets a couple months back will net the team a reported $4.25 million. Now a publication called New Orleans City Business is reporting that the New Orleans Saints made a similar scratch ticket marketing deal with the Louisiana lottery, but the team will only be paid $155,000. If these figures are accurate, that means the Saints sold their soul for 1/27 as much as the Skins.

***

This quickie Q&A in the Wall Street Journal with Brian Billick has some great bits. Among them, Billick discusses the hazards of the draft, but without ever mentioning Vick explains why the newly reinstated QB could be blackballed by the NFL this season without any collusion taking place:

WSJ: The character issue seems paramount. But do fans care about character if the other team is faster, bigger, stronger?

Mr. Billick: I’ve long said character is an economic issue in the NFL, not one of morals or ethics.

***

DC Divas Poll Update: The poll taketh, the poll giveth back.

The Divas got digitally and royally screwed in the middle of the IWFL playoffs when the computer rating service used by the league to determine seeding knocked them off the top spot for no obvious reason, thereby costing the team home field advantage for the game against the Boston Militia for Eastern Conference championship.

Yesterday, after the Divas lost in the IWFL’s Sup-Her Bowl last weekend to the Kansas City Tribe, that same rating service, the Massey Ratings, has given DC the #1 ranking in its season ending poll.

Kansas City, the real champs, get sloppy seconds. (BTW: The Chiefs’ Mindy White is the team’s owner, general manager, and LINEBACKER! In other words, she’s Dan Snyder, Vinny Cerrato, and London Fletcher all in one!)

This, friends, is exactly why a playoff system would never work in college football. Every year, it’ll be the same whine about the computers costing this school or that a slot in the championship tournament.

***

Thunderation Update: Nats get two grand slams from the same guy and win big.

Cheap Seats Daily has said for years that the Nats’ biggest problem early in the season was the lack of a fight song. So, on July 21, with the team in a 6-game losing streak overall and new manager Jim Riggleman winless in five games, we unilaterally declared “Thunderation” to be the unofficial official fight song of your Washington Nationals.

Since that declaration, the Nats have gone 5-1 in games that went the full 9 innings. The Nats are now on a three-game winning streak in which they’ve outscored the opposition 30-9.

As both my readers know, Riggleman’s old high school team, the Rockets of Richard Montgomery HS in Rockville, went at least 22 years without a losing season while singing “Thunderation.”

It’s not the manager, it’s the song!

So SING!:

Thunder, Thunder, Thunderation We’re the Rockets Delegation When we fight with determination We create a soul sensation!

A four-game winning streak would totally create a soul sensation.

***

Bobblehead Update: Fascism pays off!

Bowie Baysox spokesman Tom Sedlacek reports that Sunday’s Scott Van Pelt Bobblehead Night, complete with rules limiting the movement and civil liberties of fans, came off “really really well” — meaning without having to Taser or otherwise restrain any of the bobblehead-hoarding freaks who have ruined previous promotions.

Sedlacek says demand for a free doll and an autograph from the locally reared ESPN host was “huge.”

I told Sedlacek that hed opened my eyes to giveaway greediness, and that I got to see it up close at the Nats game on Saturday for grocery bag giveaway night. Creeps were walking around the stadium into the wee hours of the rain-delayed game looking for any Harris Teeter reusable bag (most of which still had the $1.99 price tag on them) that wasn’t nailed down.

He’s seen it all before.

“We could hand out defective can openers and people would hoard them,” Sedlacek says.

There are already five Van Pelt dolls from the Bowie giveaway for sale on eBay. One of the creeps apparently overrode the one-doll-per-fan rule put in place, and is now vending two Van Pelts for $110 plus postage.

The creep’s nom de gouge is nyyankeesfan.13722. Figures! What a shocker! The d-bag is a Yankees fan!*

*I’ve never actually found Yankees fans to be more objectionable than those of our local teams, but faux outrage is fun!