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Our wacky company. Jesus, our wacky company. Today was the day a judge in Florida was due to decide how best to conduct an equity auction next month that’ll presumably end our company’s nearly yearlong journey through bankruptcy. She kind of punted.

But: Talk about burying the lede! Following the ruling, Creative Loafing CEO Ben Eason said he was considering stepping down as CEO to, as Wayne Garcia reports, “focus on formulating a new equity bid for the post-bankruptcy company.”

This leaves us without a CEO. And in the absence of an obvious candidate, may I suggest our own City Lights editor, Mike Riggs? Some points:

  • Riggs is a Floridian, so Tampa, with its strip clubs, Hooterses, and insatiable appetite for Shawn Alff posts, would not present any cultural problems for him. In fact, last year Riggs held his birthday party at Hooters. Clinton Portis was there.
  • And he’s got ideas! On budget issues, Riggs writes: “Fly less. This is America, 2009, not Rome, 100. CEOs can govern via free teleconferences, instant messaging, and Skype. Also, in the case that travel is unavoidable, this company needs someone who can ride the rails and make use of their surroundings. I’ve read Travels with Lizbeth and can spot a safe head of lettuce in a dumpster full of syringes. Also: couch surfing. Hosts would be treated to one (1) comped soda per trip.”
  • On advertising strategy: “No one’s got this down. I read somewhere that papers across the country are making less money this year than last year. Step one: Offer perks to advertisers and assume that we can afford them. Like in that episode of The Office, when Michael Scott offers the company’s biggest client 50% off its massive paper order. Essentially, we would offer something 50% off, but probably not ads. Might even delegate the ad question to an expert, so long as the expert was willing to offer advice for $0.05 per pageview.”
  • On the transformation of journalism: “New media is my bread and butter. Twitter? Facebook? Social bookmarking? I know all about them. I’m probably going to make a tweet in about five minutes. First things first: No more paying for new media training. Young people use this stuff instinctively—I bet one or two of them would love to teach a bunch of grizzled newshounds the ins and outs of Digg, just for resume padding! Also, writers/bloggers in house/freelance would be contractually obligated to promote their own material. I’m not even kidding about this. Write post, email it to four people who are not your mom or roommate or your mom’s friend. Boom. Traffic. Relationships. Social networking.”

Riggs also has some worse ideas, but I’m trying to plead his case here. He’s young! He’s energetic! He’s got “Stand Up & Raise Hell” tattooed on his chest! Judge Delano, what more do you need?

Photograph by Lilly Sadler