Here is a little “news analysis” I think our City Paper constituency can appreciate.

Yesterday, beer lovers were devastated to hear global warming is hurting beer production. While that news was bad, the Washington Post followed up with a dispatch today suggesting that we can solve global warming if we stop having kids.

Put the two news items together in time-honored “news analysis” tradition and what do you get? A solution! To assure a lasting supply of quality beer, forget about having that The Waltons-style family you were considering. In fact, better not too have any of the little darlings, according to a crack team of researchers at the London School of Economics.

That’s right, if we stopped having kids, we’d pretty much wipe up the climate change problem, according to the U.K. study. And, we’d presumably still be able to drive around in Hummers, live in sprawling suburban McMansions, shop until we drop, and spend every evening at the pub – mugs of a top of the line pilsner in each hand.

I’m not making this stuff up, I swear.

Scientists in the Czech Republic say they think warmer temperatures caused by climate change are hurting the quality of Saaz hops used to make celebrated pilsner beers such as Urquell and Gambrinus. And, they aren’t the only ones claiming that global warming is taking a toll on the brewskies. Last year, Australian scientists predicted that climate change will drive up beer prices by making it more expensive to grow malting barely.

On the baby carbon front, the U.K. researchers aren’t the first to calculate how many pounds of greenhouse gases each child adds to the world. Check out these fun facts compiled by Mother Jones. 

In synthesis: If you want to keep drinking good beer, forget about having those kiddies!