If you pick up a paper copy of Washington City Paper this morning, you may experience a sensory flashback to 2006, when our issues averaged 160 pages and always weighed this much. However, it’s just that our fall arts guide is stuck inside! Don’t panic! The newspaper business still sucks! This year’s guide has listings and content up the wazoo, including critics’ picks and a feature that purports to tell local bloggers such as Morgan Hungerford and Matthew Yglesias just what they should do with their entertainment dollars this autumn. Also in this piece: bear joke. It looks great in print. Pick one up!

As Mike Watt would say, I feel like spielin’ this morning. If you don’t have the time, DO NOT CLICK MORE.

Rain! That stuff is wet! If you haven’t left the house yet, pack a hat, or better yet: an umbrella!

Tonight, Virginia gubernatorial candidates square off in a debate that will focus on business. Washington Post helpfully points out that unions are shoveling money toward Creigh Deeds, which in Virginia should go over as well as another Ben “Cooter” Jones campaign. For sure, the race has tightened since Thesiscaca™, but it’s hard to see Deeds pulling this one out. My buddy Norm points out this is a poll of registered voters and probably an “outlier,” but then again he thinks the tea-party protests were a wake-up call to fancy-pants Republicans such as himself. I don’t buy that—-who is going to herd the nutballs into a majority? Mitt?

Also can I get a what-what for Anita Kumar, who is covering the bejesus out of this race?

• Has anyone else noticed that Giant is a lot cheaper lately? This major newspaper has. Can I get a what-what for lower prices?

• BIKE COMMUTING CORNER: After my helmet, your second-most important accessory is gloves. Buy yourself a quality pair! Sure, they’re great for protecting your hands should you fall, but they also dampen the vibrations that lead to hand numbness. Velo Orange is contemplating a fussy pair for fancy-pants people such as Norm, but I have had tremendous luck with these gloves, which I got on sale for $4.95 and which have come through two summers beautifully. Look for extra material around the thumb.

• ITEM! Christmas will soon rock for the color-blind. Demby, I got you on this one, man!

It’s 10 a.m.! I’m out of time! E-mail me for more riffs or follow me on Twitter!