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Wednesday morning’s roundup is brought to you by the young and restless intern, who is refusing  to write about any Social-Security-sucking, ozone-depleting, spotlight-hogging baby boomers today.

While walking past a convenience store last  week, I noticed a sign that borderline panicked: “Get your vanilla cigarettes before they are banned!” The sign nearly inspired my non-smoking self into stockpiling like it was 1999, but it appears I am too late. The FDA has banned the sale of flavored tobacco, three months after President Barack Obama agreed to let the FDA regulate tobacco products. What’s so wrong with having a little “Warm Winter Toffee” with your lung cancer? According tothe New York Times, 17-year-olds are three times more likely than those over 25 to smoke the flavored cigarettes.

There’s been a mysterious spike in shoplifting around Dupont Circle. One clerk told WJLA: “The kids have gotten out of control…don’t they have supervision?”

There was also some young and restless vigilante justice on U Street recently when three 20-somethings chased down a would-be mugger and tackled him in front of Nellie’s Sports Bar. A witness told the blog Borderstan: “I would not want to be that mugger when word gets around that he was turned into a bitch in front of cheering queens.” Smart? No. Awesome entertainment for U Street’s tipsy hipsters (tongue twister…)? Undoubtedly.

There were three homicides in the District last weekend, in SW, SE and NE. All three victims were under the age of 20.

Arguably over-played Brooklyn Indie gods MGMT played a free concert on Sunday at KIA Warehouse – to get tickets, you had to test drive a KIA Soul. Eyewitness reports indicate people were lined up for hours to do just that, which doesn’t explain all the teeny boppers in the audience…

The New York Times helpfully offers “5 Easy Steps to Stay Safe (and Private!) on Facebook.” My personal favorite: “Keep your profile to friends only.” Great in theory, but how am I supposed to stalk other people? Should be replaced with: “Never, ever become friends with your parents.”