J.P. Szymkowicz has a prediction for tonight’s U2 concert at FedExField:

“It’s going to be a mess,” he says. “By 6 p.m. they’ll start turning people away from the parking lots. It’s going to be another Radiohead.

In concert go-er parlance, “another Radiohead” means “way @#$%^&*’d up!” A lack of usable parking spaces for the precious British band’s performance at the Bristow, Va., hellhole caused thousands of ticketholders to miss the entire show.

Szymkowicz personally witnessed that Nissan Pavilion debacle. But that’s not the only reason to have faith in his prediction of another Radiohead tonight. Nobody outside Redskins Park knows more about Dan Snyder’s parking set up than Szymkowicz. He’s the guy who spearheaded the lawsuit against the Redskins for the game-day ban on pedestrian traffic around FedExField.

Because of his litigation, in 2004 the team had to reverse its policy and allow folks who found ways around Snyder’s outrageous parking charges to walk into Skins games.

(AFTER THE JUMP: FedExField has HOW many parking spaces? Capitol Hill interns are going to be to blame for the U2 mess? Some buffoon’s looking for a parking pass to tonight’s show? The New York Times and Dan Snyder are in bed together? Audi is Dan Snyder’s new mattress?)

That case against the Redskins required him to do a lot of research into such things as how many cars can fit into Snyder’s lots. And the resulting intelligence informed his forecast for mass confusion and big problems at the U2 show.

“I think they had 19,000 to 21,000 spaces back then,” he says. “The lots have changed, but I think it’s about the same amount now. But you’ve got between 78,000 to 83,000 people there tonight. The clusterfuck that’s going to happen tonight is based on the fact that they don’t have enough parking spaces. It’s going to be worse because this U2 crowd won’t know what to do. A Redskins parking lot is pretty organized, because [the same people go] there every week and have since the stadium opened 10 years ago. People know where to go. Tonight, you’ll have all these young Capitol Hill people who moved to DC from Kansas and Ohio and all over. These new people will have no idea where they’re going.”

But, the beauty of Dan Snyder’s operation: Even folks who get turned away from the parking lots will have already paid the Redskins owner a parking fee for the show: Snyder sneakily tacked on an $8 per ticket parking surcharge to every U2 ticket sold.

Assuming 80,000 folks bought tickets, that’s $640,000 extra dollars that go straight into Snyder’s pockets, no matter how many of those ticketholders take Metro or walk or just plain get shut out of the show.

As they used to say about Lex Luthor: The guy’s a genius!

Stay tuned to Cheap Seats Daily for updates on Radiohead 2K9.

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The guy who placed this Craigslist ad is among the demographic J.P. Szymkowicz refers to: Folks with U2 tickets who have no idea what they’re about to get into:

U2 PARKING NEEDED

Date: 2009-09-29, 10:01AM EDT Reply to: sale-pfdks-1397830230@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] ANYONE WITH PARKING PASS PLEASE CALL 610-737-1442 THANK YOU STEVE
  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Sorry to break it to you, Steve: There are no parking passes for the U2 show.

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Dan Snyder isn’t getting along with the Washington Post. Nothing new there.

But the New York Times all of a sudden has really gotten into public displays of affection for the Redskins owner. I mean, if this keeps up, pretty soon they’re going to have to get a room.

Today’s Times has a story headlined “Former Redskins Executive Likes Snyder’s Newfound Patience.” The piece includes Charley Casserley’s views on what’s going on with the Redskins these days.

But in the story, by Times’ writer Judy Battista, Casserley, who was fired by Snyder after the 1999 season to give Vinny Cerrato a better office, merely says he’s not in favor of in-season firings. Bottom line: Casserley’s quotes don’t merit the headline.

The Times’ overglowing headline seemed even stranger after hearing an interview with the former Redskins general manager on this morning’s “Sports Junkies” show on WJFK, where Casserley didn’t in any way endorse the Redskins owner.

The Times’ pro-Snyder headline comes just days after the same paper ran a sweet and bulletproof story about Snyder and wife Tanya’s bouts with cancer.

Dan Snyder talked to the New York Times for that piece. The Snyders look fabulous in the two photos that run with it.

Why the hell doesn’t he do more of that?

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While fans are abandoning Snyder’s Good Ship Titanic, the automaker Audi has seen fit to sign a long-term deal to strengthen its relationship with the Redskins.

From a press release announcing the alliance:

The partnership offers Audi and Washington-area Audi dealers extensive opportunities to interact with some of professional football’s most dedicated fans. The Audi brand and Audi performance vehicles will enjoy prominence at FedExField, in television advertising and Redskins social media applications.

Notably, the Redskins and Audi are completely remodeling the east end of FedExField to Audi design standards. The result will be a new 13,000-square-foot Audi Club for all premium seating-level fans to enjoy during games and special events.

Audi of America moved its headquarters to Herndon, Va., during the summer of 2008 and this agreement establishes Audi as the hometown team in the Washington, D.C. market.“

Audi is making it a top high priority to be a vital presence in our new home,” said Johan de Nysschen, President, Audi of America. “Joining up with the Washington Redskins and the team’s passionate fans sends a clear signal that Audi will play an active role for years to come in one of the world’s most dynamic cities. I look forward to expanding this relationship and expanding our role in the region’s communities alongside an organization with deep local roots.”

Good for Snyder, landing another sponsor in this economic climate.

But it’s still not as exciting as Snyder’s official mattress.

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