City Paper is not for tourists
There’s almost no time left to board the BANDWAGON…on Sunday, the Skins’ one-game winning streak will run smack into a bunch of Cowboys players pissed that they got spanked by Green Bay. The Washington team is an 11 point unfavorite in this matchup, no one thinks their coach or quarterback will return next year, and all the players with popular jerseys are hurt. So obviously we have three more days to fantasize about them running the table. Who’s gonna ride the BANDWAGON with me to Miami in February? My tickets are booked, my bags packed, and I can practically taste the sweet coffee and yummy cubanos. Who’s in bunk No. 2? You! You! Possibly you? A BANDWAGON not to board: Vincent Gray’s! The council chair had a terrible day yesterday. Worse, the smackdown came from the Washington Times! That’s as unexpected as getting beat by the Redskins, which happened to Denver last week and could possibly happen to Dallas and five other teams in the next few weeks, practically GUARANTEEING the Skins a trip to Miami! I can practically taste the mojitos and tropical mango relish! Who’s with me?
It’s also not too late to board the City Paper Vol. 29, No. 47 BANDWAGON! Highlights include! McKenna on a D.C.-area chess master who will not represent the Virgin Islands in Siberia. Riggs on the Library of Congress’ most celebrated pain-in-the-ass employee. Carman on the Brown Bros.’ new cocktail bar, which may just be a great place to watch the Redskins beat, in order, Philadelphia, New Orleans, Oakland, the New York football Giants, Dallas (again! Had enough yet, losers?), and San Diego. Then it’s off to the playoffs, which you can watch on the BANDWAGON, where we will have a TV! I can practically hear the Who geezing through an abbreviated version of “Won’t Get Fooled Again”! Who’s with me?
Chico Harlan just made room in his schedule to board the BANDWAGON: The Post‘s Nats beat writer, who got in hot water for saying he didn’t like sports but then rallied and did (I think) a very good job on a very tough beat, is leaving the darkness behind. You could apply for the job, but would it cut into your BANDWAGON time? You have to be able to prioritize! WHO’S WITH ME?
BIKE COMMUTING CORNER: Over the past few days, I’ve encountered numerous instances of life-threatening behavior on Calvert Street NW and Adams Mill NW. Amazingly, every single car that’s tried to kill me—1) the SUV whose driver cut me off THEN DROVE PAST ME FLIPPING ME THE BIRD; 2) the late-model sedan in the left-turn-only lane who screeched to a halt inches from my rear wheel, honking at me and gesticulating wildly because I was waiting to turn left and she wanted to go straight; 3) the sport sedan that zoomed around me not signaling, and turned right, very nearly causing a certain insurance company to lose its shirt—had Maryland plates. WHY ARE PEOPLE FROM MY THIRD- TO FOURTH-FAVORITE STATE TRYING TO KILL ME? I love crabcakes and cauliflower! I wrote a piece about the guy from Vinyl Ink! I’m practically from there! Let us come together and board the…on second thought, bite me.
I gotta bounce! Pray for me! Follow me on Twitter!