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Welcome to what stands to be the least-read City Desk post of all time! Above, please find a photo of my brother-in-law. As you can see, the lessons on how to dress himself are going well! More important, that man can fry a turkey. By the time you read this, I will be at his house, enjoying a gluten-free Thanksgiving prepared by my gluten-free sister and attended by my brother and his family as well. Why am I telling you this? BECAUSE IT IS THANKSGIVING AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE READING BLOGS.

After the jump, more reasons not to read this post.

You know what I like? Brussels sprouts. You know what my wife hates? Brussels sprouts! We both really enjoy Brussels, where my good buddy Fabrice used to live, but she cannot even stand to see the city’s namesake vegetable at a store. One time at a farmers market I waved a sprig of them at her—-Hey! ARE YOU REALLY STILL READING THIS?

People talk a lot about the dangers of dressing, or stuffing, or whatever you may call it. I say, if it’s dangerous, then danger is my middle name. A couple times in the last few days I’ve wondered what gluten-free stuffing might taste like. Cornbread, maybe? Seriously, are you really reading this?

Every year on Thanksgiving I watch the Lions play someone. This year they’re playing the Packers, which should be a real hot point of discussion in Sault Ste Marie, Mich., where my parents live, and where the Packers are favored by native Yoopers while the Lions are the sentimental faves of the trolls. For Jesus’ sake, stop reading this and do something festive!

I used to work at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia and know many ways to prepare turkeys as a result. The prettiest I ever saw was Herb Roasted Turkey, which calls for herbs to be placed under the skin so it looked kind of like stained glass. That’s a nice thing to ponder instead of focusing on how lousy turkey tastes. Unless you fry it, which is pretty good. OK, I think we’re done here. If you really must read some news, try:

The Washington Post

The New York Times

The Prince of Petworth

They’ll all be blogging the bejesus out of today.

Happy Thanksgiving! Love your families and friends! Follow me on Twitter!