Rome had Vandals. The Palins had Levi. And American democracy is now on the brink, thanks to a pair of fauxialites! If you have ever harbored any doubt that this is the greatest country in the world, let us recap some of the events of what may be its last week!

  • ITEM: THE ORIGINAL PARTY-CRASH Thanks to yeoman’s work by the Post‘s great Roxanne Roberts, White House security officials became aware of the Salahis just as they first fameballed their way into the corridors of power. Thanks to the Post‘s great Amy Argetsinger, this became the paper’s story of the year. (Care to argue? BRING IT.)
  • ITEM: LAUER-BRAVOGATE The Salahis, booked on Larry King, instead deliver a Revolution Summer—worthy performance on Today, which by some weird coincidence, is owned by the same company as Bravo, to which the Salahis are under contract as potential stars of an upcoming show about Washington socialites. “Everything we worked for, Matt —- for me 44 years just destroyed,” Michaele tells Matt Lauer, and you just know Lisa DeMoraes is all over that.
  • ITEM: POMPOMGATE And let us not forget that Michaele also crashed a Redskins cheerleader reunion! Paul Farhi moves the peanut on the Daily NewsNew York Post‘s original scoop this morning, ending with an amazing quote from a former First Ladies of Football choreographer: “For her to get out there and think she can just shake her pompoms is upsetting.”
  • ITEM: CULTURALCRITICGATE This weekend, op-ed contributers and very well-paid magazine writers will begin the process of telling us What This Says About Us. There will be references to Balloon Boy. These will be marvelous documents to look back on when we are living in Mad Max-style huts, praying for life on earth to end. We’ll try to round up the best of these on Monday, deadline-permitting.

Also we’ll be in Afghanistan for the next 20 years, and the Washington Times will cut 40 percent of its staff, which does not look good for the paper’s sports or local desks.