The Bad Gift Seeker this afternoon went to the categorical motherlode of useless stuff. Kitchen accessories, that is. My theory is that every bush-league inventor spends an inordinate amount of time in the kitchen. They see all the painstaking tasks that must be done in order to put a fine meal on the table. And they say to themselves, There has to be a better way.

And so, so often, there isn’t!

What better way to introduce you to a product offering known as the “Circle Kabob Set of 8.” If you ever thought that the straightforward kabob skewer was poorly designed, then the Circle Kabob Set of 8 is the thing for you.

Let’s go to the product description, as articulated by purveyor Uncommon Goods (uncommon, for sure; good, no way):

This shapely kabob set runs circles around the average, stick-straight skewer with a curve that allows them to fit snugly on any plate. One end of these non-stick stainless steel skewers is sharp for piling on the kabob ingredients, and the other end curves into an attractive coiled handle.

From reading the above, you might suppose that kabob sticks are designed for ease of eating at the table. Of course, NO. Kabob sticks are straight because straight enables the grill chief to rotate the damn things a quarter of a turn at a time.

Now picture yourself with a tray of Circle Kabob Set of 8. They’re chock full of lamb and veggies and other delights. So you chuck ’em on the grill. After a few minutes, it’s time to rotate. Ooops, no can do: Since they’re arrayed like a wheel, you can flip them only 180 degrees. Of course, you could always try rotating each of the kabob members individually on the circular kabob stick. But you’d inevitably burn your fingers and look like a real fool.

So just go ahead and flip the whole shebang. Not so bad if you prefer half the kabob to be raw and the other half to be overcooked.

A mere $18.00 buys you a wholly unusable set of grilling accessories, but plenty of laughs along with ‘cue guests.