The scene a few blocks from Logan Circle this afternoon: An enormous Cadillac is cruising down the street, barely getting by thanks to the recent work of a city snowplow.

But then, the Caddy’s driver tries to turn into the alley. This, after far more than a foot of snow has fallen. This, despite the alley’s not having received any attention from the city or from enterprising locals equipped with shovels.

The Caddy runs aground and quickly sets about proving its bona fides as the worst car in the world in a snowstorm. Here’s why:

1) Rear wheel drive—-useless north of Charlotte.

2) Chassis clearance—-Holy shit, not even I, the ultimate detractor of DeVille snowworthiness, can believe this one. According to a search, some DeVille models have ground clearances of around five inches. It’s a wonder they’ll get through a puddle.

3) Long. These things take up the whole block, not helpful when you’re looking to maneuver your way out of a rut or whatever. We’re talking 5,326 mm here, or 17.4 feet, for a mid-90s jobber. Way too long for an apocalypse.

So keep the Caddy in the shack till all this snow melts.