Dan Snyder’s the Jim Zorn of Six Flags. The Wall Street Journal has a fantastic write-up of recent behind-the-scenes goings on at Snyder’s destitute theme park chain. From the WSJ piece, sure looks like it’s now a race between Zorn as coach of the Skins and Snyder as chairman of the Six Flags board.

To paraphrase Abbott and Costello: Who’s gone first?

Seems some big banks are owed lots and lots of money — Six Flags, which Snyder took over by leading a stockholder revolt in 2005, is more than $2 billion in the red — and the folks that run these banks have decided that Snyder can stick around as chairman of the Six Flags board for now if he wants. But, well, he can’t call plays for the company any more.

The whole sorry shebang reminds me of that 2005 article from the Washington Post that describes Snyder and Mark Shapiro, the Vinny Cerrato of Six Flags and Snyder’s partner-in-destitution, both saying they “will do for Six Flags” what they “did for the Redskins.

This all means Snyder could soon have a lot more time to spend on his football team. Good news for Bruce Allen and all Skins fans!

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Why not just call the show “So You Think You Can Sexually Assault?”

Shane Sparks, a choreographer on the Dan Snyder-produced show, “So You Think You Can Dance,” was arrested a few days ago and charged with child molestation. Earlier this year, Alex Da Silva, a judge on Snyder’s show, was arrested on several rape counts after allegedly forcing himself upon his dance students. Geezus chrysler.

(AFTER THE JUMP: More about the Snyder/Six Flags/Dick Clark Productions shadiness? Dave Feldman says it’s not his fault that Mike Shanahan wasn’t at Redskins Park? Bruce Allen needs the Redskins to lose to the Giants? And that inspires the debut of Guaranteed Lose Night?)

Snyder controls Red Zone, the private investment firm that last year bought Dick Clark Productions, which makes SYTYCD (or, if you prefer, SYTYCSA) for Fox. He then sold a big chunk of Dick Clark Productions to Six Flags, the public corporation for which he serves, for now at least, as chairman of the board. That means he basically worked out a deal with himself in which Red Zone, his private equity company, could really benefit. To lay financiers such as myself, this deal sure smells fishy.

Which is why I try to mention Snyder’s Dick Clark Productions every few paragraphs, even when there is no fondling involved.

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Dave Feldman got so far ahead of the Mike-Shanahan-as-Redskins-Coach story on Friday that he got lost. He reported that Shanahan was visiting Redskins Park during the day — while the man he’s rumored everywhere to replace, Jim Zorn, was working away.

Feldman’s report immediately went viral. But the Redskins denied Shanahan was really on the premises, and Fox-5 quickly removed the story from its website. Very late Friday night, the Fox-5 site posted the following related item from Feldman:

CORRECTION: SHANAHAN AT REDSKINS PARK

Updated: Friday, 18 Dec 2009, 10:38 PM EST Published : Friday, 18 Dec 2009, 10:38 PM EST

Earlier today, I reported on our web site that former Broncos coach Mike Shanahan was in town and had been dropped off at Redskins Park.

That was not the case. I had relied on two sources to confirm that information, and both in fact were wrong. Ultimately, I was wrong for reporting it. As soon as we realized that the information was incorrect, we took it off the website.

My goal is always to provide the FOX 5 viewers and web readers with the most accurate and timely information. I hope that you will continue to rely on FOX 5 to be your source for sports.

Dave Feldman Sports Director, FOX 5

Open Letter to Dave Feldman:

Save the “I did everything right!” stuff for the boss. Then again, the boss doesn’t want to hear it, either. Just apologize and move on.

Besides, that Shanahan sighting report, bogus or no, made Friday funner than it woulda been without it. All of Washington thanks you.

Sincerely, Cheap Seats Daily

(‘Course, as soon as I get caught again, I’m gonna blame others, too. Believe you me!)

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The moral of ShanahanGate is: Don’t put anything in print that you’re not sure of. But print’s dead! Which brings us to tonight’s Redskins/Giants game, and the debut of Cheap Seats Daily’s Guaranteed Lose Night!

Both my readers have profited handsomely from Guaranteed Win Night, which predicted the outcomes of Washington Nationals games last season with amazing accuracy and is recognized on the Vegas strip as being among the most reliable new tout services operating in West Petworth. (“More Reliable Than Dave Feldman’s Two Sources!” could be our tag-line!)

The very same analysis, reporting and elbow grease that has made Guaranteed Win Night so successful will be thrown into Guaranteed Lose Night.

So here goes: Bet the mortgage and then some that the Redskins will lose tonight.*

Some people have decided that the firing of Vinny Cerrato will motivate the Skins vs. the Giants the way the Wellington Mara death fired up the Giants vs. the Skins a few years ago. I think that’s a great point….IN OPPOSITE LAND!

Sure, the team’s playing better than it has all season. But a Redskins win here could muck things up bad at Redskins Park. The worst thing that could happen to neo-Vinny, Bruce Allen, would be for his team to beat the Giants and run the table over the rest of the season. Seriously, what’s in it for Allen if the team finishes strong? From a PR standpoint, it’d make it harder to fire Jim Zorn. Or get rid of Jason Campbell. Or change anything major.

Allen would have to maintain the status quo for all the big jobs — and Vinny would get all the credit for that status quo!

What’s more, if the Skins finish 2009 on a high note, fans would head into 2010 with high expectations. And, with Vinny’s roster, Allen would be in real trouble. He needs to make big changes to look strong. So, the worse the rest of the season goes for the Skins, the better for Allen.

And Dan Snyder needs the season to end badly, too. With all the badwill he created this year, Snyder knows he won’t be able to hold onto season ticket subscribers with the same cast of characters. If Allen doesn’t clean house, Snyder will have an empty house at FedExField next season.

Bottom line: The powers that be want the Redskins to lose to the Giants. And so they will.

And remember: Guaranteed Lose Night has NEVER BEEN WRONG. Besides, if the bet doesn’t come in, the rest of the season is free!

*Don’t really bet the mortgage and then some against the Redskins, dumbass…unless the thought of being both rich AND right appeals to you!

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Story tips? Wanna Play the Feud? Tube amps for sale? Send to: cheapseats@washingtoncitypaper.com