City Paper is not for tourists
Good morning, one and all. Today is the last full shopping day before Christmas. Have you driven back and forth to the mall 16 times and purchased all your gifts? Crossed the “Did I spend enough?” threshold with the in-laws? Maybe you’re at the point where you just don’t care anymore and you’re pondering giving in to the evil gift card. Don’t feel bad about that: John Waters may not like them, but Baltimore Mayor Sheila Dixon sure did!
Personally I think the important matter, at this point, is wardrobe preparation: What are you wearing tomorrow? Have you gotten your Ugly Christmas Sweater? If not, go directly back to the mall.
If you need help settling on just the right one, do what I did: turn to UglyChristmasSweaterParty.com, a site launched by three friends in Indiana—Brian, Adam, and Kevin—who know an ugly sweater when they see one. Two of the Team Ugly members appeared last weekend on a segment on CBS News’ Sunday Morning, during which correspondent Bill Geist gamefully donned some of the ugliest Christmas sweaters ever made.
The sweater with the snowman turned out to be too much for observer Clinton Kelly, of TLC’s What Not to Wear, who took one look and declared: “It’s really wrong, like, it’s disturbing on you. That stupid snowman, I want to just punch him.”
“I always say about Christmas sweaters that they immediately make you look 10 years older and a little bit dumpier,” Kelly said.
Well, what does he know, he’s never seen me in a Christmas sweater.
The founders of UglySweaterStore.com, based in Chicago, say the ugliest sweaters—as if you didn’t know this—come with beads, buttons, bells, or anything that makes it 3D. You know, like a light-up Rudolph nose.
I think I’m going with this one: