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7. Ignore Metro and transportation issues, no matter how many more accidents and track-suicides there are. Why tinker with a long-running and successful strategy?

8. Become the 200,001st sap on the Redskins’ ticket waiting list. Dan Snyder claimed this year that the list was “200,000” names long, yet for Sunday’s home game against top rival Dallas, he was selling tickets at the box office to anybody who wanted them. (There must have been some mix-up.) Anyway, we’re still willing to wait: Vinny‘s gone, so it’s gonna be all roses and Lombardis from here on out. Right?