Today Gilbert Arenas could prance through Chinatown wearing nothing but a bandolier and smile, and there would be no one to cover it. For today, every member of the District Sports Media Elite will be at the National Cathedral for the memorial service of George Michael, not the singer.

If you are from D.C. that appositive will not be necessary. But a lot of people move here from other places!

Tony Kornheiser: He will be there. I heard him say it on his radio show. (No radio show from TK today; you’ll have to make your own obsessive jokes about Arenas’ birthday party.) Joe Gibbs: He will be there too. Maybe he will refrain from any Brit Hume moments, at least this time! Maybe he will try to freeze the pallbearers. These are hard things to know in advance.

Which is why I will go to this service. Maybe while there I will see Dan Steinberg. True story: Last week my son came bounding out of school thrilled because he’d seen a picture of me in the newspaper. He drew from his pocket a carefully folded piece of the Washington Post with Steinberg’s woodcut portrait. Baldism: It’s never too early to start.

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fig. a

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fig. b

This has been a great couple of months for D.C. sports news. Shanahan. Agent Zero. The Washington Times massacre. The invention of HDTV. Wise vs. Kornheiser! Campbell vs. Portis! Riggo vs. Snyder! McKenna vs. Cal Ripken’s publicist! Washington may have only one team that can win anything, but storylines we got.