Loves Me Not: On Valentine’s Day, there was some clerk-on-clerk action at the 7-Eleven at 1401 Columbia Road NW: A man tried to clock his coworker with a baseball bat. City Paper‘s Ted Scheinman was on the scene and reports the melee ended at about 11:42 p.m., when cops cuffed the bat-wielder: “One cop lifted the man by his armpits, another by his legs. The employee—swearing, cursing, kicking—was carried out of the store and into the back of a cruiser idling on 14th street.”

Another interesting detail to add: how the whole thing got started. Convenience store heresy, it turns out: “Incoming employee was late and employee at work wasn’t too happy,” emails  Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) 3rd District CommanderJacob Kishter, “so he attacked the incoming with a BB bat.” The tardy employee ran, but the bat-swinger—identified as P. Ashish in an arrest report—allegedly pursued, managing to club him in the back. The victim kept running until police arrived. The suspect was collared on an assault with a dangerous weapon charge.

Snow Job: A  resident whose email address identifies her him as Tracy Leigh was incensed to see the Exxon gas station at 3540 14th St. NW hadn’t shoveled its walks in the wake of the recent snowstorms. She He was incensed again to see a sign there announcing the place was an “auxiliary police station.” The woman man hopped on an MPD listserv to complain, asking: “Since there is a sign in the gas station window saying that it is an auxiliary police station, does that make MPD secondarily responsible for snow removal, like a co-signer on a loan?”

Her His answer? MPD quickly removed the sign—which, as it turns out, was about 10 years old. D.C. police don’t use auxiliary stations anymore. AssistantChief Diane Groomes explains that the stations, set up at businesses across the city, were once places for cops to stop and use a phone, or write a report, or both. Because of cell phones and laptops, they’ve outlived their usefulness. “We will ensure signs are removed,” says Groomes.

Pay It Backward: A  woman told police she was getting cash out of an ATM at the intersection of Wisconsin Avenue and Dumbarton Street NW around 7:22 p.m. on Feb. 13 when a voice behind her announced a choice: your money or your life. Police say the alleged mugger said “he wanted her money or she would be shot.” The victim handed over the currency and the suspect fled.

Chew Done?: There was a domestic violence incident in the 3400 block of Dent Place NW around 11:45 p.m. on Feb. 10. A victim told police he was bitten. While having a dispute with a family member, he was gnarled on the forearm by the relative, he explained.

Error: Technology! On Feb. 11 at 12:39 a.m. in the 1500 block of 17th Street NW, a guy got fed up. A witness told police the man became irritated with a piece of “computer equipment” and struck it with his fist. The defenseless technology fell to the ground, broken. The man was arrested for destruction of property. No word yet on whether this took place at the CVS located on that block, in which case the offending machine might have been one of those finicky credit-card swipers.

Source: MPD’s District listservs, public releases