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Lindsey Vonn! Lindsey Vonn! So nice I had to bold it twice! Hey, Michael Phelps, been great to know you, but you’d look like a dork in the swimsuit issue! America has a new sweetheart, and it’s not Arlington native Sandra Bullock, it’s the gold-medal winnin’, bruised-shin-havin‘, Twin Cities’ own Lindsey Vonn! I DID IT AGAIN WITH THE BOLD I CAN’T STOP MYSELF!

(After the jump, more things that happened yesterday, and how they relate to Lindsey Vonn.)

Marion Barry is like Lindsey Vonn: Both have made grand comebacks, and both go downhill very quickly! Seriously, the council might censure Marion Barry, which I gotta figure would be “golden” for him, politically (can you imagine the press conferences pointedly OUTSIDE the Wilson Building?)

Potholes! They’re back! Watch your car, or you may tumble into ’em faster than Lindsey Vonn shushing through Julia Mancuso‘s dreams.

Dick Durbin has gone batshit again, like the way I was screaming and jumping on the couch when Lindsey Vonn barreled into the record books—-and my heart! First snow, now a staffer writing autobiographical essays! Memo to Dick: SWITCH TO DECAF, K? Lindsey Vonn doesn’t let a few flakes get in her way!

You know how Antawn Jamison just got traded and now the Blatche era starts in earnest? It’s kind of like the way Lindsey Vonn masterfully convinced Maria Riesch they were friends, then TOTALLY DOMINATED HER! SORRY, MARIA! WELCOME TO THE VONN/BLATCHE 2010s!

With apologies to Jule Banville

Public domain photo by Gerwig Loffelholz