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IT’S BEST OF D.C.! Hey, pick up a paper! It weighs, like, 2 pounds this week and is filled with the usual mix of staff picks (the stuff no one cares about) and readers poll results (precisely the opposite). And in that readers poll, Best Wizards Player honors go to…Gilbert Arenas, for whom today is probably not his Best Day in D.C.

Tomorrow Agent Zero will face sentencing for what’s, depending on your view, either a practical joke gone very wrong, the worst public-relations campaign in history, or a fine argument against informal gambling. The Great Michael Lee writes the definitive primer on the Hibachi’s time in D.C. Which may not be over, if our readers have their way! More from us: Gil’s guns, Gil’s text messages, Gil’s unsuccessful video-game character, Gazo the Pranksta.

Ken Cuccinelli isn’t the only hero of the tea party movement. There’s the hero who cut Bo Perriello’s gas line. Bo’s brother, Tom, is a congressman from Virginia who voted yes on the health-care overhaul. Then there’s the hero who faxed (faxed?) Rep. Bart Stupak a picture of a noose, and all the nameless heroes around the country who’ve put bricks through Democratic Party offices across the country. Heroic Mike Vanderboegh, a militia-movement vet who’s found the tea-party folks strangely accommodating, encouraged such acts! Philip Rucker‘s Post article says Vanderboegh didn’t respond to questions Wednesday, but Vanderboegh’s blog says he just did a lengthy interview with a Washington Post reporter, so I look forward to hearing more from this American hero.

Oh hey, P.S. Suck it Ken Cuccinelli: George Mason reaffirms nondiscrimination policy toward gays.

Man makes guinea-pig hat, faces jail time. His neighbors saw him wearing the hat, which includes the animal’s head.