The only good news about Gilbert Arenaslight punishment is that his court-mandated month in a halfway house has great potential for a snobs versus slobs sports movie.  A misfit team led by a coach who’s run afoul of the law—it’s practically the Mighty Ducks 4.

Other unlikely pairings from the weekend:

Michelle Rhee & Roger Ebert: The DCPS chancellor got a shout-out from America’s secular saint, who tweeted about improved reading scores:

D.C. Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee’s reforms are paying off: District students LED THE NATION in reading gains—across all ethnic lines.

John Carroll & Condoms: Latex condoms weren’t even around when Carroll founded Georgetown University, and Carroll’s Catholic Church doesn’t like them. But that didn’t stop student protesters angry about a lack of condoms on campus from chaining themselves to Carroll’s statue Saturday. Cue enraged alums and questions about why sexy students can’t walk a couple blocks to CVS.

Cops & Car Crashes: Maybe this isn’t so unlikely, given the way police have to drive. But, as Michael Neibauer writes in the Examiner, not all of the Metropolitan Police Department’s 237 preventable accidents last fiscal year came from high-speed pursuits. Some just came from open car doors:

In fiscal 2009, according to D.C. statistics, District police employees sideswiped vehicles in parking lots, reversed into numerous “fixed objects,” and opened their doors into traffic. They passed and backed up without caution, failed to control speed to avoid colliding, made unsafe U-turns, followed too close, drove on sidewalks, changed lanes without caution, and ran red lights.