Nick Clegg fever! CATCH IT! For those of you uninfected, he’s like Obama—except British, white, atheist, and popular. You ask a man on the street (or “street,” as it’s called in Britain) what he thinks about Nick Clegg, and he’ll say “FUCK YEAH!” or whatever British people say instead of that (“FUCK YES!”?). And then he will go drink a “pint” of “bitter,” which is a British drink.

NICK CLEGG! I can’t stop bolding it, or thinking of his curiously large forehead, which furthers my theory that the English are more closely related to Early Man than the rest of us! If his Liberal Democrats (NOT A BAD THING IN BRITAIN, APPARENTLY) avoid two-ways and go for three-ways, Nick Clegg could be prime minister! OF BRITAIN!

Hey, are you freaked out about Nick Clegg? Join the club! So are a bunch of humans who don’t like liberals or Democrats. Like this Nile Gardiner person, who is pissed that Nick Clegg doesn’t like that Death Cab album. From Gardiner’s list of five reasons not to be happy about Nick Clegg:

2. Clegg is not an Atlanticist.

Nile, OK, it didn’t have a “Styrofoam Plates,” but it’s still pretty good!

OH MY GOD I’M TALKING ABOUT NILE GARDINER WHEN I COULD BE TALKING ABOUT NICK CLEGG! Maybe the fever’s breaking.

Here are some things that happened yesterday, none of which involved Nick Clegg:

Caps win. Oh vraiment? The Nats lose, but in an interesting way, notes Adam Kilgore:

They are 7-0 when their starter pitches at least five innings, and they are 0-7 when their starter does not….Their last four starting pitchers — Liván Hernández, Jason Marquis, Craig Stammen and Olsen — have respectively recorded 27, 0, 24 and 6 outs.

Is that not interesting to you? GO BACK TO BRITAIN AND MARRY NICK CLEGG.