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Good morning, everyone. Today’s Tuesday, in case the long weekend confused you. And it’s June! Perhaps now, we can move on to sunny days and temperatures that make sense.

Memorial Day weekend was a mess of shootings from Baltimore to Chinatown. A teen was found shot in the head in Greenbelt, a man was found dead in his SUV, and Ted Koppel’s son was found dead in his New York apartment. A gravely depressing morning roundup, I know.

In national news, the “top kill” failed to plug the hole–and it seems BP may have overestimated its ability to deal with the situation. Attorney General Eric Holder plans to visit the Gulf Coast to assess the area. The Department of Justice has asked BP to retain all documents related to the spill. Uh-oh. Better head to the beaches down south before they cease to exist. On the bright side, someone will now write a book and get a movie deal. EvenOsama bin Laden’s jealous.

A move in Fairfax County to build a day laborer site in Centreville has opponents up in arms, amid fears that giving them an official building will only lure more immigrants seeking work into the area.

Around here, residents complain Nationals Ballpark has really brought nothing more than “a giant bowl of mud.” Traffic fines are skyrocketing in an attempt to balance the city’s budget. And I also learned this weekend via a bouncer that if you’re a Virginia resident with an old-school vertical driver’s license, you won’t be getting drinks in the District. Cheers to ugly purple licenses!

Can’t find a date in real life? Can’t find a date online? I’d say you’re screwed, but now we’ve got date doctors–they type for you! Note: they won’t fuck for you.

There’s a chance of thunderstorms today, so don’t forget your umbrella.

Photo by azrainman. Creative Commons Attribution License.