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Not even crafters are immune to semen-spray attacks

The now infamous Gaithersburg grocery store Semen Sprayer has been pegged in another attack. This time he allegedly squirted semen on a lady at Michaels craft store in Gaithersburg. Not even the innocent knitters are safe from semen attacks! And there could be more victims out there, police say. We can’t wait to hear what other types of women this suspect felt the need to spray without their permission.

Michael Wayne Edwards Jr., 28, has been charged in the two attacks.

Some more details about the attack at the Giant grocery store:

  • How did semen get on these poor ladies, you ask? Well apparently he had a small bottle like those used for hand sanitizer.
  • He thought his little attack was so funny/sexy/clever that he decided to snap a cell phone picture after he did it. Advice: Don’t keep evidence of your crime. Just stupid.
  • When the woman noticed the sticky substance on her back, she turned around to find the suspect behind her. When she asked him if he had also been hit by some unknown liquid, he played dumb.

Police are confident there are two more ladies who have this man’s semen on their clothes/neck/hair. How can you figure out if you were one of them? WaPo spoke to Officer Dan Lane who helps you out:

Gaithersburg police ask anyone who may have noticed an unusual substance on their clothes but wrote it off as benign to call them at 301-258-6400. “No one would ever think that someone would do this,” said Officer Dan Lane.

Well, Officer Lane, that depends on who you are talking to. It’s a crazy world out there. And one quick question: Have we confirmed this is his own semen? If not, this story got a whole lot creepier.

Photo by AlishaV, via Flickr.