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A couple weeks ago the Washington Redskins began throwing batches of tickets for the team’s opener with Dallas up for sale online. Management explained that these unsold seats came from tickets that were offered to the Cowboys players and officials, as well as sponsors of the Redskins.

I’m a huge fan of buying returned tickets. When I was a kid, me and my brother learned from going to concerts that promoters would hold a batch of great seats for the band and their friends til the day of the show.

I got fifth row seats to Santana at Constitution Hall (“10th Anniversary Tour”) and fifth row again to Frank Zappa at Cole Field House (he sucked) in 1978, and 1st row side of the stage for Guns ‘n Roses in 1991 at  the Capital Centre (you hadda be there!). All for face value.

But, from everything I learned about returned tickets in my years of buying them in rock and roll, they were made available to the general public about three hours before showtime. Yet the Redskins/Dallas game takes place on September 11.

So, Dan Snyder began flooding the market with its so-called returns 24 days before kickoff?

What promoter knows how many returns he’ll have nearly a month before the event?

Who would believe these are really returned tickets?

Well, what I mean is, other than the folks who believe that, as Dan Snyder so often says, the Redskins have sold out every game since 1966 and have a waiting list of over 200,000 names, who would believe these are really returned tickets?

The Redskins ticket-dumping scene has produced some hilarity. Some of it of the unintentional variety from the Redskins management. The email offering the “returns” said that there was “unprecedented demand” for tickets this season. Either management means the precedent being set is for lack of demand, or management is joking, or management is lying.

Then, among the intentional giggles are those produced by a wiseacre posting as Skins98Orakpo on Dan Snyder’s message board, ExtremeSkins.com. Just to disprove the “unprecedented demand” claims and to prove that tickets at FedExField are as plentiful as corn in Iowa, he signed on to the Skins digital ticket office this morning and just began throwing dozens at a time into his shopping cart. Here’s one of his posts:

I now have sec 409 row 25 seats 1-25. This is funny. I just wanna see how many it lets me put in my cart. My total is at $4646.40.

In other words, Skins980Orakpo could buy a whole row of tickets, and then some, with one click. (He didn’t buy ’em, just windowshopped.) These are returns? Did Dan Snyder really offer Dallas VIPs and his own sponsors 25th row of the upper deck?

And remember, all these seats are available for a game against Dallas. As the season goes on and the opposition isn’t so rivalrous, FedExField’s unsoldout status will become even more obvious to anybody that looks.

The NFL has a blackout policy in place, right?

So I ask again: Are we the new Jacksonville?

(Then again, the NFL has a steroids policy on the books, too. Look at this photo and tell me you don’t think somebody should check this guy’s pee pee.)