Rally to Restore Porta Potties: This whole Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert thing may be all about irony. But that doesn’t mean Comedy Central can’t still pull together and get some actual results when it matters. A burgeoning toilet crisis has been averted, and anti-protest protesters will be able to go the bathroom even though the Marine Corps Marathon had called dibs on most Porta Potties in the area. Could Glenn Beck manage such a feat of logistics? +3

H Street NE Streetcars Named Desire: The future is March 2012, as far as District transit geeks are concerned. That’s when city officials claim the H Street/Benning Road and Anacostia Initial Line Segment branches of the new municipal monorail streetcars will begin rolling. The fare will be $1. One car will run the Anacostia line; four or five will cover H Street. Sure, the city only owns three for now, and of course, chances are all this will take more time and money than planned, but still—streetcars, people! Streetcars! +3

Cardinal Numbers: The District may not get a vote on things like who the next Senate majority leader or speaker of the House is. But we will be represented when the time comes to pick a successor to Pope Benedict XVI. The Vatican announced today that Washington Archbishop Donald W. Wuerl was being elevated to cardinal, effective next month. Which puts D.C. in the same league as other major cities whose Catholic leaders are cardinals, like Minsk, Belarus; Riga, Latvia; and Baltimore. Hmm. +1

I-66, Where Are You?: Plenty of area drivers avoid Interstate 66; it’s often congested, driving on it—like all highways—can produce intense feelings of suburban anomie, and besides, who needs to go anywhere in Virginia? Now it seems Google Maps has decided to erase the road altogether, giving directions as if it was never constructed in the first place. Hey, it worked for Stalin—traffic problems solved! +1

Yesterday’s Needle rating: 32 Today’s score: +8 Today’s Needle rating: 40