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About 10,000 people will be coming to D.C. from New York this weekend on 200 free buses sponsored by the Huffington Post, whose founder Arianna Huffington pledged a free ride to anyone interested in joining Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert for the Rally to Restore Sanity/Keep Fear Alive. (The buses leave from Citi Field at 6 a.m.; the fact that so many people are willing to schlep to Queens that early to save the $20 that Bolt Bus would cost isn’t a good sign for the economy.)

We at Washington City Paper can’t rely on a fortune quite as large as Arianna’s, so we can’t afford quite such a generous gesture. And besides, most of our readers are already here in D.C., where Metro will be running frequent buses and subways toward the Mall for just a bit more than a buck (and, okay, the chance you might get run over). But inspired by the HuffPo’s shuttle, we still wanted to pitch in somehow. So:

Washington City Paper hereby announces that we will offer free walking tours from the Smithsonian Metro stop to the Rally to Restore Sanity/Keep Fear Alive on Saturday morning, for anyone who may have trouble navigating the eight blocks along the Mall without the assistance of a media organization. Look for City Paper employees near the Metro between 10:45 a.m. and noon—they’ll be wearing City Paper garb of some sort—and tell them you need a walk to the anti-protest protest.

Important legal disclaimersCity Paper will not assume any responsibility if you get distracted by the carousel on the Mall and wander away from the tour. City Paper employees may be willing to hold your hand to help guide you to the rally, but only if you’re cute and ask nicely. Like the Huffington Post, City Paper is a free publication; unlike the Huffington Post, City Paper does not get much Web traffic from celebrity nipple slips. Offer of walking tour is only valid to the rally, so memorize the route. Do not taunt City Paper employees.

Remember, only you can keep fear alive. Restoring sanity is probably beyond all of us.