I’ll admit: Washington City Paper (along with many other sites across the country) is in quite a tizzy over this fake protest thing on the National Mall this weekend. Perhaps so obsessed with it that the idea of attending Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert‘s planned mayhem is starting to sound a bit lame. Why? Because TBD, in particular, has sucked all the living fun out of the rally.

Their coverage is painfully overdone. They will tell you where to eat, sleep, play, and have random sex. They’ve mapped out pretty much everything in D.C. you’ll ever need to find. They even offer suggestions on sleeping outside or in the Greyhound Station. You know, like a homeless person. It’s so ironic! And if that wasn’t enough, they have an archive search bringing up 628 items mentioning the rally.

But that’s not the worst part. Today TBD posted the ever-so-handy guide to finding tampons on the National Mall. No joke. There’s no mention of the fact that finding a tampon machine that is stocked and also having a quarter counts as a small miracle anywhere these days. We’ll play it smart and just tell you to stop being an idiot and plan ahead. If it’s that time of the month, put some tampons in your fanny pack or shove that DivaCup up there for the day. You’ll survive.

Our conclusion? TBD doesn’t seem to realize that hordes of people, INCLUDING MENSTRUATING WOMEN, head to the National Mall every weekend. This isn’t the first large-scale event on the Mall and it certainly won’t be the last. But apparently the fake protesters will be in particular need of tampons, unexpectedly, while marching around chuckling at their ironic fun while un-ironically bleeding through their skinny jeans. Best advised to avoid grinding on the cute girl in front of you unless you want period stains ala SuperBad:

YouTube video

Photo by me and sysop via WikiMedia Commons/Creative Commons license