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Chandra Case Closing Quickly: So much for the trial of the century; the court proceeding against Ingmar Guandique, who prosecutors say killed former Bureau of Prisons intern/Gary Condit paramour Chandra Levy, is likely to end ahead of schedule. Authorities dropped two charges against Guandique today, including charges that he attempted to sexually assault Levy before allegedly murdering her. Meanwhile, you’re only reading this item because of the salacious detail that got all the media coverage today: Semen found in Levy’s underwear turns out to be Condit’s. Now you’re happy, aren’t you? Perverts. -3
Gingerbread Lions: The National Zoo appears to have grasped what people who run websites realized long ago—cute animals=gold. (Though they’re not quite as valuable online as celebrity nipple slips.) So Zoo officials are drawing out the public introduction of their new lion cubs as long as possible. The new gimmick? You can go check out the baby lions, but only if you build a very elaborate gingerbread lion habitat. Your gingerbread lions will need water to drink, multiple levels, and a security plan to keep them from eating the gingerbread visitors. We don’t have a punch line, actually; reality is funnier. +2
Bedbug Mania!: Don’t ever accuse the D.C. Department of Health of not knowing how to draw a crowd. The agency’s bedbug summit (actual title: “Bedbugs Are Changing Our World”) has been moved to a larger room to accommodate “overwhelming demand” for a seminar in the creepy things. Apparently they expect about 200 people to show up. The real question: When will these people—who are so obsessed with bedbugs they want to go to a summit on them—realize that being in a public building with 200 strangers is good way to get bedbugs? -1
Metrobusted: A traffic crackdown in Arlington is, apparently, serious business—even for Metrobus drivers. Just ask the one who got caught trying to make a right turn from the center line in Arlington yesterday. We’re not sure charging another government agency $91 at a time is the answer to any budget woes Arlington may have—but we are pretty sure this news doesn’t make us any less suspicious that buses are out to run us over. -2
Yesterday’s Needle rating: 46 Today’s score: -4 Today’s Needle rating: 42