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Pop Goes the Beard Award Winner: The surest sign that pop-up shops and restaurants have gone completely mainstream? The federal government is doing one. José Andrés announced today that he’ll team up with the National Archives for “America Eats Tavern” this summer, taking over the space that has been Café Atlántico for years. The new spot will serve hot dogs, oysters Rockefeller, New England clam chowder, and other stuff that, we presume, some future chef growing up in Asturias, Spain, is dreaming of eating. +2

Doors Closing: Short Metro trips may be soon be a thing of the past—if only for time management reasons. That’s because the transit agency is considering running trains 25 minutes apart on weekends in order to help close a budget gap. Which means if you’re only going one or two stops, chances are you could walk between them faster than a train would even come to pick you up. (It also means more chances to get app trapped.) -2

BLANK You: Over the course of just eight months or so, Cee-Lo Green‘s song “Fuck You” went from catchy, clever pop phenomenon to overplayed, censored background music; we know some people who only know the song with its radio-friendly hook, “Forget you.” But apparently its newest version—a heartfelt appreciation of firefighters and others, titled and sung as “Thank You”—hasn’t made quite the same splash. So when the Nationals played it Friday night while honoring wounded war veterans in the third inning of their game, the crowd didn’t respond so warmly. As the man says, ain’t that some shit? -1

Graduation Day: To all the college graduates reading this: You are slackers. Sure, you may have gone to a university, may have even graduated in four years, may have gotten straight A’s; you’ve still got nothing on Ty Hobson-Powell. The Northwest D.C. resident graduated today from the University of Baltimore at the age of 15. Next he’s off to law school, and then to getting his driver’s license. Seriously. +1

Friday’s Needle rating: 67 Today’s score: 0 Today’s Needle rating: 67