Because Nothing Says “Hot” Like the Beltway: The New York Times won a Pulitzer for a series on texting while driving (and walking), but now a more dangerous in-car distraction has emerged. A lawsuit in Fairfax County alleges that the defendant caused a car crash on the Beltway last year while driving 85 miles an hour and having sex in the back seat. The claim seems dubious, though; traffic on the Beltway wouldn’t usually allow anyone to go that fast. +1

Teenage Wasteland: A scourge stalks the Metro system, and its name is “teenager.” Metro officials insisted to members of Congress today that the reason crime is up on the subway system is that teenagers will “quick snap” gadgets out of riders’ hands and dash out the door. The solution, naturally, is to ban anyone under the age of 20 from riding Metro, but the courts are unlikely to look favorably on such a policy (not to mention, Metro probably needs the fares). Officials are looking, instead, into adding more uniformed and undercover cops in stations where lots of theft has been reported. -2

Thursday Styles: Our long regional nightmare is over—the Washington Post Style section has an editor once again. Frances Stead Sellers, who’s been running the national desk’s coverage of health, science, and the environment, will take over for Ned Martel, who—in the manner typical of big-city dailies—moved to the national staff himself. (Here at Washington City Paper, we don’t have enough jobs for people to rotate around like that, unless they want to sell classified ads after writing a column.) +1

The Joke Writes Itself: When it rains, it pours. On the day New York Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner resigned from office over lewd Facebook chats and tweeted photos of his crotch he’d sent women he didn’t know, the Capitol Police closed the street near the Rayburn House Office Building while they investigated a suspicious package. Or rather, a suspicious package. We won’t bid Weiner farewell from D.C., as it’s just a matter of time before he gets his own cable news show. -1

Yesterday’s Needle rating: 63 Today’s score: -1 Today’s Needle rating: 62