Leave Only Footprints: There’s no telling what a burglar will do when he or she breaks into an unattended house—rummage around, take valuables, use the bathroom. That was the modus operandi of whoever broke into a home in Vienna last week. The owners came home to find the doors unlocked, nothing taken, and some shit in their toilet. We’re not sure we would have called the police in those circumstances. -1

Pregnant Paws?: Humans have it easy when it comes to figuring out whether to expect the next generation; head to the nearest drug store, buy an over-the-counter pregnancy test, and that’s about it. (As far as the figuring out part goes, that is; the parenting part is a bit more complicated.) Pandas, apparently, are a bit more complicated. The National Zoo is on a 24-hour-a-day watch to figure out if Mei Xiang is going to set off yet another paroxysm of Butterstick mania. Alas, as a federal employee, the panda won’t be eligible for paid maternity leave. +2

Out of Service: The D.C. Taxicab Commission has had a wonderful week. First, officials arranged for the Park Police to arrest two reporters for recording an open meeting. Then they blamed the cops. Finally, today, they locked WTOP’s Mark Segraves out of the building when he went to go ask questions about the incident. For good measure, they turned the lights off, too—giving this item a built-in punch line. -2

The Czech’s in the Mail: Lottery winnings come and go, as the Washington Wizards realized earlier this year. A year ago, they celebrated their number one pick in the NBA draft by picking John Wall; this year, they watched the Cleveland Cavaliers land Kyrie Irving with the top pick. The ‘Zards landed Czech big man Jan Vesely with the sixth choice, then followed up with Chris Singleton, out of Florida State, and Butler guard Shelvin Mack, who’s already shown he likes the Verizon Center. The goal, of course, is to have a 2011-12 season that leaves no chance of another high draft pick. We’ll see. +3