A columnist at the The Buff and Blue, Gallaudet University’s student newspaper, fears that partying is in “decline” at the school and offers up a defense and a definition:

Listen up, dear reader, especially if you’re a freshman: parties are utterly important to the overall college experience. Before I go any further, allow me to define my terms of partying. True, what is a raging party without the mandatory drunk-out-of-his/her-mind attendee knocking over a lamp and puking in the stairway? But that aside, what I really mean by a party is an activity where a group of people gather to socialize. Naturally, alcohol is bound to be involved, but don’t think that in this column, I am encouraging you to chug that inexpensive bottle of Smirnoff Vodka (may I suggest strawberry-flavored, to be chased down with cranberry juice?).

No, not at all! I believe you can party without even being under the influence of alcohol or any intoxication of choice, just as long as you are mingling with people at a social gathering. You can be partying if you’re running around the campus at midnight with four other people and a wine bottle, taking swigs at different locations. You can be partying if you’re hosting a board game in your room (okay, if there’s no booze involved it’s just socializing, but for the sake of this column, stay with me here). And if you paid five bucks for an entry fee to a house with a keg filled with people holding red plastic cups, then duh, yes, you are partying.

What I exclude from my terms of partying, however, is getting piss drunk and slashing the furniture in the lobby, breaking glass and/or smearing your own feces on the elevator buttons. Seriously, grow up.

Oh, college!