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Your Papers, Please, D.C.: The United States is tied up in two wars, and the unemployment rate is so high that a drop to 8 percent would be cause for celebration. So naturally, Congress is turning to what’s really important—making sure every senior-level D.C. government appointee has never committed “willful engagement in acts or activities to overthrow the United States Government by force.” That’s part of a bill introduced today by Rep. Darrell Issa, R-Calif., whose House Oversight Committee just wrapped up its investigation into how Sulaimon Brown wound up on the District payroll. That’s a good question, Congressman, but maybe you could leave it to the pros? -3

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money: If anyone ever tries to actually carry out Henry VI‘s instructions (“the first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”), everyone in D.C. better watch out. A new study out today from the American Bar Association shows that one out of every 12 District residents is a lawyer, and the District accounts for one out of every 25 lawyers in the nation, despite only having .2 percent of the nation’s population. With some luck, no one will sue anyone over the study. -1

We Love You Too, L.A.: Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was once considered one of the up and coming stars in the national Democratic Party. Then news broke that he’d cheated on his wife with a TV anchor, and he won only a narrow re-election in 2009, despite running against a field that might make the D.C. Council look formidable. But a somewhat humbled Villaraigosa has found the ideal target to bash from his perch in the City of Angels: The District. He went out of his way this morning to stress he’d never want to visit our city, but his job requires him to do so frequently. Okay, but at least Paula Abdul doesn’t live here. -1

#Fail to the Redskins: It was a day for the record books in Toronto on Sunday, as the Washington Redskins went out to play the Buffalo Bills north of the border. Unfortunately for the team that traveled farther to get to the field, the records were all bad: First shutout of a Mike Shanahan-coached team; first time the Redskins failed to score since 2007; most sacks by the Bills in a game all year. The Redskins lost, 27-0, as Luke Russert rejoiced. But don’t worry: The team has signed a Dallas Cowboys reject to help turn things around. -1

Friday’s Needle rating: 49 Today’s score: -6 Halloween bonus: +2 Today’s Needle rating: 45