Movin’ Like Bernie: Parents today! After Maryland’s Perry Hall High School soccer team did the Bernie—-you know, a Weekend At Bernie’s style shimmy—-parents freaked out and the principal canceled the rest of the season (until protests got him to change his decision). Their reasoning? It’s just too sexy. Dead sexy, in fact. Honestly, if people are getting turned on by watching some high schoolers flail around like a corpse, then the problem may not be the dance. The only people who should be offended by it are probably the walking dead. -2

Can You Fear Me Now? An MPD officer who chased a suspect down into the Metro only found a broken intercom when he tried to call for backup. And his cell service wasn’t working either. He prevailed, however: “According to sources, the officer was able to handcuff one of the suspect’s hands to a metal seat railing as the suspect was struggling against the officer.” -2

Homosexual McKinsey: Ward 2 Council candidate Fiona Greig is embarrassed that some “chicken scratch notes” about fundraising targets made it all the way over to the Office of Campaign Finance. On the list? Folks like Gerry Sigal and Post columnist Ezra Klein, whose names were misspelled. Also, a gay man who’s summed up by his sexual orientation and employment. +1

Feed the Birds: So, what kinds of birds was convicted feral cat-killer Nico Dauphine trying to save, exactly? Apparently the birds in the neighborhood Dauphine was trying to protect are not endangered: “they are very common types — pigeons, sparrows and starlings.” It looks like she was just not a cat person. -1

Yesterday’s Needle rating: 41 Today’s score: -6 Friday bonus: +2 Today’s Needle rating: 37