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Hamburglars: The burgers at Ray’s Hell Burger are very tasty, as even Russian President Dmitry Medvedev knows. Apparently some local crooks were more interested in the place for the cash than for the ground-up trimmings from Ray’s the Steaks; a trio of armed robbers struck on Thursday, taking money after barging in brandishing a gun. No word on whether they availed themselves of free charred jalapeños on the way out. -2

Bar None: And now, time for another installment of meaningless rankings by national magazines! In today’s episode, we learn that only two bars in the D.C. area are worthy of the name. Food & Wine picked its “50 Best Bars in America,” and only The Passenger/Columbia Room, in the District, and PX, in Arlington, made the cut. Cue outrage from patrons of other watering holes—but at least they know where to drown their sorrows. -1

The Download District: Access to the Internet used to be a luxury, back in the Prodigy vs. CompuServe days, but now it’s pretty essential to participate in the economy (not to mention to laugh at things like this). D.C. government officials hope a new project to expand high-speed connections around the city will help underserved communities get online and also reduce costs for everyone; the first phase of the project, DC-CAN, was finished last week. It’s due to be completed citywide by 2013, which means that when you can’t download the latest episode of your favorite TV show, you can blame the government and your cable provider. +1

Going Golfing: The season started so promisingly for the Washington Redskins, but now we all know how it’ll end—without a trip to the playoffs, just like the last few years. Yesterday’s loss to the New England Patriots officially eliminated the team from postseason contention. If they win every game left on the schedule, the Redskins would finish 7-9, which would be an upgrade over last year’s 6-10. But does anyone think that’ll actually happen? -2

Friday’s Needle rating: 50 Today’s score: -4 Today’s Needle rating: 46