Could you rewrite Metro’s “highlights” from its report card to remove the spin? Yes, you could!

Original:

Compared to the same quarter last year, Metro on-time performance remained steady or improved. Despite more planned track work and rebuilding, Metrorail on-time performance rose 0.5 percent to 89.8 percent in the first quarter. Metrobus on-time performance remained steady in the first quarter, with three out of every four buses arriving on time, and MetroAccess posted a 2.4 percent improvement, rising to 92.5 percent in the first quarter.

Without the spin:

Compared to the same quarter last year, Metro on-time performance didn’t get much better. Thanks to the all of the track work and delays, Metrorail on-time performance increased a near-meaningless 0.5 percent to 89.8 percent in the first quarter. Metrobus on-time performance didn’t improve at all in the first quarter, with one out of every four buses arriving late, and MetroAccess posted a 2.4 percent improvement, rising to 92.5 percent in the first quarter.