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There are a lot of lessons to be learned from the trailer of new reality show Strip Club Queens, set at D.C.’s rapper-beloved Stadium Club. But the most important, in case you’re planning to head to the Stadium Club for a dance or a steak, is this: if you offend stripper Miami, you better be prepared to throw down at the nearby Exxon.
“If that bitch wants a problem, that bitch can meet me at the motherfucking Exxon,” Miami says in the show’s trailer, before adding that there won’t even be a fight because the object of her ire wouldn’t dare meet her at the Exxon.
At last, a reality show worthy of Washington! Show creator Delmond Newton says that the show will follow five dancers and one cocktail waitress. For viewers hoping to see Stadium Club skin without Stadium Club prices, bad news: Newton says only about 10 percent of the show takes place at the club.
“I wanted to flip it so we people can understand and say, ‘I now know why girls strip,'” Newton says.
Newton claims that the show has been picked up by a network, but will only say that it’s one that’s popular with women. The Post suggests that VH1 would be a candidate to pick up the show. According to a VH1 spokesperson, however, the network is not involved with it.
Still, the trailer’s a treat, so let’s pretend for now that the show is coming to a cable network near you this fall. Washington, gaze upon your aspiring reality stars:
Illy: Illy’s in college, but the trailer shows her sleeping in class, so it’s not clear how long that’s going to last. She christens the show with that classic reality line: “I’m not there to make friends.”
Blake: Blake is dancing to get her young son away from the crack addicts in her trailer park, but she’s got a problem—-her butt is too small! The white customers ignore her because they come to Stadium Club to see “ass, wobbling.” Toward the end of the trailer, a dark possibility appears when another stripper tells her about a woman who gives butt injections in hotel rooms. That doesn’t always end well.
“Your body is your resume!” advises this man who appears to be the Stadium Club’s manager or stripper boss, before telling the women that counting their money is the hardest job they’ll ever have. And what money there is—-underlings collect money in trash bags after customers make it rain, the club’s cash machine stacks the bills, and the women take the money out in huge plastic sacks.
Miami: Miami seems to be vying to be the show’s Bad Girl (and accumulate the break-out potential that comes with it), taunting other strippers for posting pictures of their hauls on Twitter and challenging them to rumbles at the Exxon. Lucky for her, she’s following a tradition of women named after cities being villains on reality TV.
Miami also seems to have a microcelebrity’s flair for coining phrases. In her Twitter bio, she writes, “I am realist and about my cabbage.”
“Really, Miami is a brilliant thinker,” Newton says.