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Medical Mania: The District is on the hunt for a consultant who can make United Medical Center profitable. The solicitation advertising the job suggests that any turnaround plan will likely mean layoffs, according to the Washington Business Journal-2

Hop to It: D.C. Beer Week starts on Sunday, and City Paper‘s D.C. Beer Week guide has you covered. +3

Underwater: Attention aspiring Douglas Jemals: a foreclosed Petworth home just blocks away from a Metro station can be yours for just $320,000. The catches: You have to pay cash, and you have to empty it of mountains and mountains of garbage. Panic-inducing pictures here. -2

Faux-Sandwich: Is your stomach craving Chick-fil-A, but your gay-marriage-loving heart is keeping you away? There may be a solution that satisfies both.  Gay rights group Chicks-for-Gays is serving a vegetarian recreation of Chick-fil-A’s signature sandwich tonight at Science Club on 19th Street NW. +3

Thursday’s Needle rating: 73 Today’s score: +2 It’s Friday: +1 Today’s Needle rating: 76