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Do you long for interminable debates about bounce shots, hand blocks, and “distractions?? Then a Columbia Heights-dwelling bro on Craigslist—-one of many—-has a deal for you. The hard-partying bro is offering a whopping three beer-pong tables for $30 each, and if you get multiple tables, he’ll throw in a six pack to kick things off.
The tables have a couple things going for them, including their plastic surface, which means “YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANY FUNGUS OR SYPH GROWING ON THESE THINGS.” But maybe their most obvious selling point is that they fold up (emphasis added):
THEY FOLD UP SO YOU CAN CLEAR YOUR SPACE FOR ENTERTAINING HOT ASS WHEN YOU NEED TO HAVE CANDLES AND SHIT OUT, BUT YOU CAN UNFOLD THEM AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE IF THE PARTY COMES TO TOWN. THAT KIND OF FLEXIBILITY IS WHAT YOU NEED IN 21ST CENTURY URBAN LIVING. FINALLY: THEY ARE WHITE SO YOU CAN LITERALLY SPRAY PAINT ANY LOGO ON THEM- LIKE THE SCHOOL YOU WENT TO, YOUR FRATS LETTERS, OR MAYBE THE FUCKING MOTORHEAD LOGO IF YOU’VE GOT THE COCK FOR IT.
If you don’t need a beer-pong table yet still crave the bro lifestyle, this ambitious bro is also selling a laptop (“FOR BONERJAMZ”), a mini-fridge, and a rowing machine, all advertised along similar lines. You’ll have to drive to the bro’s place to pick the items up, though—-he notes that he’ll be too busy partying to make deliveries.
Despite all his ads, though, the bro doesn’t explain the ultimate question: Why are Washington’s bros turning to Craigslist as frequently as, say, your average kinkster? And why, especially given that laptop ad, is the line between the two groups becoming increasingly faint?
Beer pong photo by Shutterstock.