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The Wizards won a game! And promptly lost another one. But that second game doesn’t matter as much, since a 1-13 record is innumerably better than a 0-12 record. No one’s expecting the Wizards to win rings this year, but at least they won’t have the longest futility record in NBA history.

Alas, there’s no rest for our weary team, and a new ignominious record looms in today’s Wizards Misery Report.

Infamy: If Wizards coach Randy Wittman and his team want to stay out of the history books, they have to do more than win one game against the Portland Trail Blazers. They need to win eight more games, in order to avoid tying the record for least successful 82-game season, currently held by the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers, who went 9-73. How likely does that seem?

Twittersweet: The Twitter account set up to tweet Wizards’ forward Jan Vesely‘s stats continues the expose his less-than-stellar performance.

Ted to the Rescue: Leave Jan Vesely—-and the rest of my team—-alone, says owner Ted Leonsis, in a blog post defending his young team. “We shouldn’t be so fast to write him off as a player,” writes Leonsis, who later just comes out in the post and writes that he supports Vesely. Now that the Wizards have actually won a game, maybe the the Wizards Misery Report should become the Jan Vesely Misery Report.

Graphic by Carey Jordan.