Were you kissing Washington Post columnist and aspiring silver fox Richard Cohen on the lips, or thinking about it? Well, don’t. Cohen’s column today, “Presuming too much intimacy,” is about how people, kissing him hello and using his first name, are all up in his face when he doesn’t want them to be.

“I want to be called mister,” writes Cohen, whose ability to write lines that have both slimy class and sex connotations remains undiminished.

Now, as the Huffington Post’s Jason Linkins points out, this is pretty well-trod territory. There’s even a Seinfeld gag about it. But Cohen has an angle for the Internet age, despite apparently have been away from the Internet for 20 years, writing, “And what is :)?”

Still, if Cohen doesn’t want a hug, that’s his right. His descriptions of dodging goodbye kisses do sound trying. Of course, Cohen does the same favor for other people and would never “presume too much intimacy” on his own. Unless:

Despite his displeasure with Ms. Spurgeon’s job performance, Mr. Cohen seems to have sought out her opinion on matters relevant to his column. After reading a Lewinsky-related article that referred to oral sex as “casual sex,” Mr. Cohen engaged Ms. Spurgeon in a discussion on the subject that other staff members found offensive. Staff members said that Mr. Cohen sometimes used foul language in the office and that he remarked on Ms. Spurgeon’s appearance, telling her she “looked good in black,” according to a Post staff member. On another occasion, the staff member said, Mr. Cohen asked Ms. Spurgeon to “stand up and turn around.”