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Have you heard about Florida Man, the world’s worst superhero? The parody Twitter account collects headlines using the bland phrase “Florida man”—-proving, once and for all, that the Sunshine State is by far America’s most debauched, twisted, and flat-out weird territory.
Still, while I can’t find any local headlines as awesome as “Florida Man Slapped With Warning After Riding Dying Sperm Whale,” I think Fairfax Man could be the world’s second worst superhero. We’re talking, after all, about the Northern Virginia county and city where a man holding a machete fought a man wielding a chain, in front of a burning truck. Fairfax has its own 4chan, its own goth murders, its own predatory beaver population, and its own delusions of grandeur. They’re no Florida, but Fairfax County and the city of Fairfax nevertheless deserve recognition for being a terrible/wonderful, internal organ-shaped vortex of strange.
So what has Fairfax’s homegrown superhero been up to? Unfortunately, mostly evil:
- Fairfax Man Arrested for Shining Laser at Police Helicopter
- Fairfax man arrested after two-county car chase
- Fairfax Man Injured in Apparent Base Jump from TV Tower
- Fairfax man, 72, avoids prison for selling bogus meth at Mill Valley shop
- Fairfax man collects 1,300 signatures in petition to ban leaf blowers
- Fairfax Man Shows Off Alleged Death List
- Pit bulls seized from Fairfax man suspected of running dogfighting operation
- Naked Fairfax man appeals conviction
- Decision Signed, Sealed: Fairfax Man Owns Rare 1776 Copy of Declaration
- Fairfax Man Wed 7 Times Faces Charge Of Bigamy
In the end, it seems, Fairfax Man got what was coming to him:
(Major hat-tip to Washington Post Northern Virginia blogger Tom Jackman, aka the Bard of Fairfax Man.)
Man working in the garden photo from Shutterstock