In certain corners of the Internet, a written response from Attorney General Eric Holder to Sen. Rand Paul—-following the Kentucky Republican’s filibuster last night over concerns related to the Obama administration’s drone-warfare program—-has already become a classic of the political-memo genre. However, Holder’s letter is eerily similar to a number of missives recently obtained by Washington City Paper.

The Honorable Adrian Fenty

C/o Runner’s World magazine

Emmaus, Pa., 18049

 

Dear Mayor Fenty,

It has come to my attention that you have now asked an additional question: “Can you slot me in tomorrow night at Minibar?” The answer to that question is no.

Sincerely,

José Andrés

* * *

The Honorable Jack Evans

The John A. Wilson Building

Washington, D.C. 20004

 

Dear Councilmember Evans,

It has come to my attention that you have now asked an additional question: “Will I trade you my NFL team for a federal agency that I’m probably going to get anyway?” The answer to that question is no.

Sincerely,

Rushern L. Baker III

Mr. Bob Woodward

C/o the Washington Post

Washington, D.C. 20071

 

Dear Bob,

It has come to my attention that you have now asked an additional question: “Meet at the Regal for the 7 p.m. Les Miz?” The answer to that question is no.

Sincerely,

Gene Sperling

The Capital Weather Gang

The Washington Post

Washington, D.C. 20071

 

Dear Capital Weather Gang,

It has come to my attention that have now asked an additional question: “Please, please, pretty please can we get just a few more inches?” The answer to that question is no.

Sincerely,

Snow