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University of Maryland Greek Week can be stressful, especially if your sorority sisters aren’t helping out. All that pressure has inspired one frenzied Delta Gamma sister to pen a brain-busting rant of an email, which has found its way to Gawker.

“Tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in,” she begins awesomely. “Because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.”

The email writer’s sorority has been paired up with Sigma Nu fraternity—-a big win for them—-but this status-boosting development has been threatened by sloppy sisters. They talk to one another instead of flirting with Sigma Nus, even cheering for rival teams instead of their frat partners. “I will fucking cuntpunt the next person I hear about doing something like that,” our correspondent warns.

Another problem for Delta Gamma: crappy party post-gaming. That’s right, apparently kids are post-gaming now, and doing it badly:

This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events.

In closing, make sure you remember what Sigma Nu boys don’t like:

DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK.